Pappa Hardy's Musings on Life.

I have been back to work for four days now. One thing I learned right away even though I felt OK during the work day, I am very easily tiring and I need to make a measured return to an 8 hour day. Additionally, I am taking time for Physical Therapy which can be very demanding on my ability to work for so long. Once again I have learned that recovering from a major surgery is not an easy task. It is like, but also much different than a heart ablation. Life is always a new learning activity.

I am coming to the end of my enforced healing time at home. I go back to work on Monday, attempting to get back in the business of making a living. I am still hurting. I am still recovering and recuperating but I guess it is time for me to get back to the business of working. Working is a blessing that gets us doing something productive.

Working at recovering from a significant operation has been a different type of work. I need to get back into working at both now.

There are so many events in life that trigger emotions that take us to the core of our beings. I loved my mother who recently died very much and have been going through the process of grieving. Yesterday, and then again this morning I was touched by life experiences that other’s have regarding their relations with their loved ones. I was touched this morning by a song by John Lennon that described his relationship with his son Shaun. It made me remember so much the relationship that my mother had with me and I feel that I have with my children and my parents and family.

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) by John Lennon

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster’s gone
He’s on the run and your daddy’s here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It’s getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we’ll both just have to be patient
‘Cause it’s a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it’s a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you’re busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It’s getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy (x3)

Darling, darling, darling
Darling Sean

This song has always touched my heart being the father of my 5 children, but this also touched me regarding my mother as she was such a kind and gracious woman who would do anything for children. She was a true saint, her faults and her great characteristics included.

I have blessed with my own weather forecasting system. With my knew bionic knee I now have a bionic knee. With changes in pressure systems and storms approaching where I am at, I have leg pain that seems to be associated with the weather changes. Oh Joy, I have a weather knee. Well, that is not something I would get from this knee replacement but now I have that added blessing in my life.

This knee replacement has been the cause of an unpleasant side effect. I wake up a lot in the middle of the night from pain associated with the leg, and then I can’t get back to sleep. I end up staring at the ceiling of the room, tossing or turning, or some other thing. Sometimes I listen quietly to music, but in the long run it causes me to get out of bed, and then I am really tired later in the day and take naps or just don’t want to do anything. Things have got to improve.

This morning I woke up to the darkness that comes in the middle of winter. It was fairly late in the morning. It was 6am and it was dark outside. Frankly, for me this is a depressing time of year and it is a trial for me because Winter seems to last forever. I am a sunshine kind of guy and I hate to have darkness outside all of the time.

It was also real cold. I hate the cold as well. I can tell that these bones are no longer made for the cold of winter, and that someday I may want to relocate to a warmer climate that is further south, and which will bring more light. Winter, oh Winter how I hate you.

I have been part of the Chamber Board of Directors for 8 years. It has been a sometime long road. Last night I saw the board operating in a fashion that makes me proud. It isn’t because of anything I have done. Over the last couple of years a number of people have really taken their responsibilities by the horn and have been working hard on making the Chamber of Commerce a better organization. It is amazing what people can do when they put their hearts and their minds to work in behalf of an organization.

Some physical therapist or some doctor or somebody, or all of them, has been trying to convince me that somehow pain is going to be my ultimate friend here. I am not so sure. Since long before I had this knee done, I have been in pain and it is just worst since I had the actual surgery itself.

I hurt at night when I am sleeping. I hurt during the day when I stress the knee. I hurt a lot when the Physical Therapist is manipulating my knee and putting me in some severe pain. They tell me it is for my good. I have having trouble believing them in this regard. I am just in pain, and that is all that I know.

Supposedly there is a payoff coming. I am not sure I believe it. I woke up this morning and I hurt and didn’t feel good. It has been downhill since then. I sound kind of down, because I am. I am having trouble believing that pain is really my friend.

One thing that has happened during me physical rehabilitation is my rediscovery of my music collection. I have been able to hear a lot of music that I haven’t listened to for a while. Man, the 60’s were great when it came to innovative and creative music. I have been excited about the music that guided my life during the “early” days. It was a great time.

As I have moved away from the date I was operated on (about 2 ½) weeks ago now, I am slowly getting some of my strength back. I am also taking less pain medication, which makes me more grounded in reality.

As a result, I have realized that I have so many things that need to be done, that stopped when first I went on vacation, then my mother passed away, and finally, I had this surgery. I am picking up the pieces, and they are scattered all over. It is not easy but I am sure that I will get there and that my life will be all put back together in the way that I want.